


Turn

by devera



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-14
Updated: 2013-10-14
Packaged: 2017-12-29 10:38:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1004409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devera/pseuds/devera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Wheel of Fate doesn't always spin the same way. That's the point.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Turn

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the week 2 prompt at [weissvssaiyuki](http://weissvsaiyuki.livejournal.com/): Reunion. I chose to take this fairly literally.
> 
> This is a warning for the lack of warning. I didn't want to spoil the narrative impact so I opted out of the whole warnings thing. If that makes you uncomfortable, I suggest you don't read.
> 
> That being said, I don't know how successfully I achieved my ends. Eh, I was experimenting.

"Hakkai! Hakkai!!"

Even if the voice hadn't been loud enough to rise above the general noise of the crowd, it wasn't a voice you could ever ignore or forget. Hakkai turned, smiling what felt like one of his better smiles. At his shoulder, Gojyo huffed a small laugh that Hakkai didn't need explained to understand.

"He hasn't changed at all," Hakkai observed softly, a comment only for Gojyo's ears, but then Goku was upon him, unselfconsciously throwing his arms around Hakkai there in the middle of the sea of pedestrians amassing in the streets of Chang-An. Hakkai found himself automatically hugging back. Goku had that effect, he supposed, even with all the years separating them.

"I knew it was you," Goku enthused warmly, releasing Hakkai and stepping back a little, his smile huge and happy. "You look exactly the same. Well, I mean, the last time we saw each other. You look really well."

Hakkai smiled gently. "As I recall, the last time we saw each other, I looked the opposite of well," he reminded. The throne room of Houtou, war raging all around, reality in flux as sutras clashed.

Goku's smile stayed, only softening by degrees as his gaze dropped involuntarily from Hakkai's face. Hakki felt his own smile going a little brittle and reached for his stomach, briefly rubbing self-consciously at the site of the wound he'd suffered in that battle.

"Yeah, I know," Goku said, equally gently, raising his gaze again. "But the demon thing looks good on you."

The comment was almost teasing, and Hakkai felt himself relax. "That sounds like something Gojyo would say."

Goku flicked his head, turning cheeky, and for a moment he looked so much like his younger self that Hakkai felt a second of vertigo.

"Where do you think I learned it, Hakkai," he said, grinning, and then caught up Hakkai's hand. Hakkai didn't even bother to ask him to let go. "Come on. The ceremony is starting soon. I want you to see him before we let everyone in."

+++

Chang An hadn't changed much either. It was more, larger, and there was a sense of welcome to the place it hadn't particularly had once upon a time. There were hundreds, perhaps several thousand monks in attendance of all ranks, and the courtyards outside the main hall were full of noise and the smell of incense. They passed men and demons both praying, in groups and alone, as they crossed to the doors of the main temple.

"Sorry, I couldn't get your old rooms," Goku was saying as the passed the threshold, where the scent of incense was far stronger. "There's some guy from the main branch temple and about thirty of his retainers here and they've pretty much invaded the whole wing. They're boring asses though, so I got you rooms on the east side, overlooking the lake. I hope that's ok?"

Trailing behind him, Hakkai could almost hear Gojyo smirk.

"Of course," Hakkai answered. "I'm sure it'll be fine. We're not here for the accommodation anyway."

Goku paused at that, looked at him for a moment. Hakkai stopped walking as well and looked calmly back, and realised that there was no need to discuss it. Goku understood. He always had.

"Are you hungry?" Goku asked him after a moment. "There's so much food here, you have no idea."

Hakkai heard himself laughing. He hadn't been sure he remembered how, but Goku had that effect too.

"I can imagine," he agreed. "But perhaps later."

"Okay," Goku agreed, not appearing that put out at the idea. "Then I guess we should go see him."

"Yes," Hakkai agreed.

"Okay," Goku said again. "This way."

++++++

He felt it before he could hear it, a bone-deep thrumming sound that soon became the low, subvocal chanting of monks. When Goku opened the doors to the Great Hall, the sound hit Hakkai like a wall. Goku waded through it like it was nothing. Hakkai gritted his teeth and forced himself to follow.

"Sorry," Goku said as they began crossing the room towards the dais at the other end.

"It's all right." Hakkai gave him a strained smile.

"They've been at it for three days now. I've gotten used to it, I guess."

"Yes," Hakkai said vaguely, his attention on the dais the finally neared.

"Do you want me to go?" 

That got Hakkai's attention, not the question but the gentle, understanding tone with which it was asked. He looked at the boy – well, Goku hadn't been a boy for a very long time. He was as tall as Hakkai now, his features matured, his mouth still given to easy smiles but his eyes so, so old, so knowing. For the first time in a long time, Hakkai wondered what he had seen, that day at Houtou. He'd never asked, never wanted to ask, but the change in Goku had been clear, was still clear, even now, regardless of the Buddhist robes he wore, or his shaved head and the subtly paler skin where the diadem had once rested but where now only the red mark of an ordained priest could be seen.

"No," Hakkai said. "I don't want you to go. I want you to tell me."

"Okay," Goku said softly.

They stepped up onto the dais together, came to a stop at the edge of the coffin.

"He died quietly," Goku began softly. "He told me that he was glad to be going finally, and not to worry, because I'd see him again."

"Yes," Hakkai breathed, realised his trembling hand was clenched on the edge of the coffin, claws scraping unconsciously on the bare wood. Sanzo's body, old, small, frail and ultimately empty, was wrapped in clean white linens in preparation for the funeral pyre that would take place tonight, on the third night of his passing. Hakkai didn't believe for a moment that Sanzo's spirit was hanging about trying to make sense of his death. More likely, he had departed for Nirvana the second the last breath had left his aged body. In fact, he probably hadn't even waited for the light to reach him. Hakkai was glad in a way, not for the loss, for even though he hadn't seen him for many years it had been enough to know he was still alive somewhere in the world. But he was glad, because if anyone deserved the peace of heaven and the – yes, perhaps questionable – mercy of the Kannon, it was Sanzo.

"He wanted me to tell you," Goku continued, careful and warm, "that he still thinks you're and idiot, and that you should let it go."

That forced a laugh from Hakkai, a brief, raw sound that seemed to punch out of his chest.

"Yes, I suppose he would say that. But, Goku, I can't."

"I know." Goku's hand landed on his shoulder, offering comfort and understanding in a single simple gesture. "I told him you'd do it when you were ready, and you're not ready yet. He called me an idiot too, but I'm pretty sure he was smiling when he said it."

"I guess we're both idiots then," Hakkai agreed shakily.

"Yeah," Goku agreed softly. "You still have it, right?"

Hakkai still had it. It had been given to him for safe keeping and he would always have it. He flexed his other hand, and let the feeling that was there, that was always close, clinging like a second skin or a familiar scent, pull fully to the surface. Behind him, he felt more than heard Gojyo laugh, a bright, happy sound. He remembered again the feel of Gojyo's breath on his face, on his mouth, as he had cradled him there on the floor of Houtou castle. Gojyo's blood was on his hands, everywhere, a sea of it, and Hakkai couldn't, he couldn't bear- not again, please not again-

 _Don't you_ , Gojyo had croaked, unsmiling, and Hakkai had thought later, when it was all over, that if Gojyo had smiled, if he had _smiled_ , Hakkai would have found a way to die in that place. _Don't you follow me. You go get those fuck…ers. You finish… it. Here. Take it. Keep it for…me. I want it back. When I see you… again._

Hakkai hadn't cried when Kanan had died. His grief had been far too selfish for that. But he had cried then. And then he had removed his limiters, and pressed them into Gojyo's lax hand, gripped Gojyo's scythe, and stood. And then he had waded back into battle with only one intention.

And when it was all over, and the three of them were still standing, and the Queen and her consort and those who were their enemies were not, he had dismissed the weapon and never summoned it again.

But he'd always understood that he could. The feeling was always there, an itch under his skin, a phantom weight in his palm. It was easy enough to call it back, finally, here. Since Goku had asked him to, he saw no reason not to now. He felt the hand Goku rested on his shoulder clench briefly when it appeared. It hadn't changed either.

"We're all here then," Goku said softly. "It's been a while."

"Yes," Hakkai agreed as he gazed down at Sanzo's earthly form and imagined him somewhere up above, giving someone who probably deserved it hell, and he thought perhaps felt a hand on his other shoulder, squeezing just as gently, even though he knew there was no one really there. "It has."


End file.
